


Little Talks

by sad_eyed_lady_of_the_low_lands



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Musings on trauma, kaz and inej are both a little broken but they're trying, post KC, vague discussions of Inej's past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24154750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_eyed_lady_of_the_low_lands/pseuds/sad_eyed_lady_of_the_low_lands
Summary: "Not being interested in vengeance isn't the same as not being angry, Kaz" she says, his eyes are burning into her, but she gets the sense it's not her he's seeing. "I am angry, saints I'm furious. For a while it was all I had, rage and sorrow. I felt like I was drowning in it."Kaz laughs bitterly "but you didn't, you found a way to swim." "What about you?" He looks at her then, his dark coffee eyes full of fear and rage and violence."Kaz Brekker doesn't need to swim in this wraith, rage and vengeance is my blood, my breath, my-" he breaks off, dragging in a ragged breath. When he speaks again his voice is much softer,"the boy I was drowned in it, and this," he spreads his arms theatrically, "is what crawled out of the canal in his placeKaz and Inej talk.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	Little Talks

"How do you do it?" Kaz asks, filling the golden quietness filling the room.

"Do what?" Inej asks. She's draped over his windowsill back to the rest of the room, watching the sun set over the vast cityscape before her. The whole scene is achingly familiar, she doesn't have to look at Kaz to see the arc of his shoulders over the desk or the longer strands of his dark hair falling over his face. They've done this before, more times than she can count, it almost surprises her, how easily she'd walked back into this city, this life as though she'd never left, as though she'll never leave again.

"Why aren't you angry Inej?" She turns to him now, and finds him watching her, his expression dark. 

"Angry about what?"

"About everything!" He rasps "you were kidnapped by slavers, ripped from your home, sold to the menagerie. How are not angry every second?" 

"What makes you think I'm not angry?" 

"If I dragged one of the men who brought you like a doll and laid him in front of you we both know you would spare his life." 

"Not being interested in vengeance isn't the same as not being angry, Kaz" she says, his eyes are burning into her, but she gets the sense it's not her he's seeing. "I am angry, saints I'm furious. For a while it was all I had, rage and sorrow. I felt like I was drowning in it." 

Kaz laughs bitterly "but _you_ didn't, you found a way to swim."

"What about you?" He looks at her then, his dark coffee eyes full of fear and rage and violence.  
"Kaz Brekker doesn't need to swim in this wraith, rage and vengeance is my _blood,_ my breath, my-" he breaks off, dragging in a ragged breath. When he speaks again his voice is much softer,"the boy I was drowned in it, and this," he spreads his arms theatrically, "is what crawled out of the canal in his place." 

"Oh Kaz", she breathes. She wants to comfort him, but she doesn't know how. 

"I thought, once I took down Rollins, that it would get easier but... I don't know that it has."

She moves then, swinging her legs over the windowsill, arching her back and pushing herself off, she lands silently on her tip toes, and walks to him. There's only one chair by Kaz's desk and he's currently sitting on it so she hops up on to it instead and holds out her hand. Kaz eyes it for a moment, and then he reaches for her, slotting their palms together, twining their fingers. She feels him tense, and then, with concentrated effort, relax. 

"Really," she says, gently, "you don't know if it's gotten easier?" She squeezes his hand light to emphasize. 

Kaz's expression softens, "alright, maybe a little. You deserve so much more than this."

"Let me worry about what I deserve."

"I _want_ more than this," he growls. 

She squeezes his fingers again, "I know, but it takes time. Lack of patience has never been your issue, Kaz." 

This time his laugh is softer. For a while they sit there, hand in hand, while the sky turns pink, and the distant city noises, and not so distant crow noises wash over them. 

"Eventually I realised something. Those slavers, Tante Heleen, my _clients_ they deserve my anger. They deserve to live with what they did to me. They deserve to live my fear, my pain, my _anger_. They deserve to choke on it. But I don't. I don't deserve that at all."

"So you forgave them? How very saintly."

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with it," she says, a little sharply, "I just won't keep punishing myself with what other people have done to me."

"You might not deserve it," he says quietly, "but what if I do." 

"I don't believe that. I won't."

"You're always looking for goodness in me, Inej." 

"Is it really so hard to believe I find it?" 

He looks at her then, with something like wonder.  
_"like he's seeing you for the first time_ Nina's words from so long ago float back to her. For a moment she thinks he's going to say something, _do_ something; Inej hardly dares hope he might kiss her. And then the moment passes, his expressions shifts as he leans back in his chair, de-tangling their hands to brush an invisible speck from his shirt. 

"It's late," he says, "are you hungry?" 

Inej sighs, "I am."

"Well then, let's eat," he stands, smoothing out his rumpled trousers, but he doesn't reach for his gloves, and as he moves towards the door he reaches out and takes her hand, thumb running along her knuckles. It's the best he can offer her. For now.


End file.
